Another mixed episode?

I’m not feeling very well lately. It’s like I’m jumping out of my skin...a feeling that my body will explode at any moment!! My heart is racing and my mind can’t stop overthinking things. Over analyzing is driving me nuts and making me think I’m going insane.

I've also been varying between this intense feeling and severe depression. A depression so deep that my thoughts have been suicidal and had urges to self-harm on several occasions. It's sad because I feel like a hypocrite due to my career in psychiatric nursing. Am I taking on too much of my patients' burdens?? Or am I just so broken that I can't help myself in ways that I help others??

While I can identify some triggers for my intense emotions, these triggers are unavoidable, so it's unlikely that the situation will change any time soon. All I can change is how I react to these situations... and that's just fucking hard. Even more sad, I know for a fact that I've over-reacted and over-analyzed on too many occasions to count and lost absolute control over my behaviors at times. I've had breakdowns at work - one was very embarrassing and witnessed by my boss. I feel guilty and humiliated for having these occurrences/relapses but all I can do is forgive myself and keep moving forward. Far easier said than done.

I know there must be millions of people out there who can identify with my feelings and thoughts. I just want you to know that you are not alone.