A Small Success

You're supposed to celebrate even the smallest of successes, so here's the success I would like to celebrate. Although I've been angry and severely depressed at times, I've been a lot more even since starting my new medication with the dose increase. Yay!!! There's still kinks to work out and nothing is perfect, but I know it's nothing I can't overcome!

I have had some very turbulent things happen to me these last few months (what else is new, eh?!) and I'm proud to say I've made it through them thus far. I could not have done it without the help of my supportive people - my mom, my husband, my children, my coworkers, Carol, Kristy. I have had to come to terms with the fact that my psychiatric nurse practitioner has left the practice and the person I trusted with my meds for years is no longer there to guide me. My new doctor does not listen to me at all which makes treatment very difficult. I weathered my 18-yr old son telling me he didn't want to see me anymore, a COVID scare, a broken right knee, and a herniated disc in my low back. I've had many anxiety attacks along the way, which is embarrassing at best. I've suffered from sleep deprivation at times (due to pain and grief and an occasional episode of night terrors). Some of my family members are enduring very serious medical conditions as of late which causes me a great deal of sadness and my marriage has been strained by a combination of all of these factors.

Is this deja vu?!

I feel like there's a pattern lying somewhere hidden here. I certainly didn't have much control over my NP leaving the practice, but I feel like I could have prevented the others from happening. I feel so guilty for not realizing that sooner. My saving grace is that I have managed to weather all of this without returning to previous maladaptive coping mechanisms.

Adulting sucks!

Adulting means taking ownership and responsibility for the things in your life that you manufacture with your choices and happen to be things that you can make the choice to change. Choices, choices, choices... Such is life!

And so today, although I could choose to be negative about all of the challenges, I choose positivity. I choose acceptance. I choose to rise to the occasion and take matters into my own hands. I will not be tricked into thinking I have no control over what happens to me. I refuse to believe the lies of the Devil and I choose to move forward in faith and with hope in my chest knowing that I can do hard things!!!