Friendship

I was sorting through some paperwork from support group meetings and I found something I had written about myself to share with the group during one of our "getting to know you" meetings this summer. I thought I could share it here in the blog for others.


One thing people may or may not know about me is that I'm good at making friends but bad at keeping them.

For many reasons:
I self-isolate during depressive episodes, I am edgy at times/have mood swings, I'm very sensitive, it's hard for me to accept when a friend and I disagree, I hate not spending time with friends but I'm often so busy that I don't get to spend time with them.

I've always been a loner - I'm very publicly friendly and caring, but I'm "hard to handle" in intimate settings. I believe this is partially due to the early sexual, emotional, and physical abuse I suffered.

But I'm very insistent upon becoming a "better person" and I refuse to believe that I am destined for any particular outcome simply because of my past.

I continue to seek my "path" in life by following my passions because I don't know what else to do/I have no other reason to live.

My passions are helping people, becoming a better person, knowing myself, loving others, raising a caring/loving son, being that one person that others can depend on.


I'm sure I'm not the only one out there that finds it hard to make and/or keep friends. Even if it's difficult or painful, it pays to have a support network - a group of people that care about your well-being, who will be there to listen when you need to talk. Even though most of my "friends" don't acknowledge me anymore, don't invite me to hang out anymore, and rarely if ever call/text me anymore, I still consider myself as one of their friends because I am willing to be there for them. I just hope that other people see that in me as well. I'd like to believe I've been there for a few people when they felt like nobody else was there.

Aside from people I refer to as "friends," I do have a group of people I can count on to be there when I need them - my DBSA support group members - who are more than friends, they are actually more like family to me. I cannot express how valuable it can be to have a close relationship with someone who understands your troubles on a personal level. From year to year, the person I'm close with may change, but that doesn't take away from what it means to me just to be able to call someone and talk about what I'm going through without the risk of being judged.

Support groups offer a special kind of friendship and shared burden that regular friendships do not. First of all, there are less expectations. Forget a birthday? No big deal. Secondly, there is mutual confidentiality. Secrets are kept secret, without even being asked to do so. Third, your support group friends expect you to talk about your problems, they know that even at your best you are still struggling with some inner battle and they never overlook your persistence in being well. Lastly, when you are going through a rough patch, your support group friends understand that you can't be there for them - or anyone - at this point in time. They do not hold a grudge against you or expect you to move mountains for them when you are also in need. Support group members find strength in each other's weaknesses and we understand that each of us is human and capable of disappointing. We do not see this as a sin against us or a wrong that has been done, but a normal part of life and an expected happening on the path of recovery.

If you are suffering with a mental illness, I urge you to become part of a support group! There are hundreds to be found, for almost anything you can imagine. Support groups are far better than just "making friends" and I assure you that as you find yourself able to be vulnerable with a person who was once a stranger, and reveal to them what troubles you, that "stranger" will stretch to you a hand of friendship and strength that no other acquaintance can give. So reach out!