The real tragedy of suicide...

So, I'm reading an excellent book about surviving the suicide of a loved one. Coincidentally, the title is "No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving The Suicide Of A Loved One" by Carla Fine. It is a great read - a hard read - that makes you feel the entire gamut of emotions. I'm only about halfway through because it is depressing to read too much at one time. Click on the picture below to buy your own copy...

Something in my recent reading sparked a thought... the real tragedy of suicide isn't just the loss of our loved one(s) or all they've left behind undone. The real tragedy of suicide is that the person who has such an experiential gift, being so close to death (possibly on a daily basis) and surviving, will never be able to share their knowledge, insight, and experience with the world. In part, they have squandered it away from us all by ending their life.

Heaven doesn't house any death. So how does Heaven benefit from the gifts of these people?

But we who are yet living will do without "it"... the very people who desperately need "it", people who dance with death daily and could lend from these experiences the hope that can prolong our own lives... [If you haven't figured it out yet... the "it" I refer to is HOPE]

We then realize and accept that to live is to provide hope to all those living with us. It is understood why suicide touches us all so immensely and affects us - even if we feel generally unaffected by suicide as an act, in and of itself, but the occurrence of it causes most people unexpected emotions, even if they are unrelated or unacquainted with those it happens to.

Yes, "happens TO." Suicide happens TO people... regardless of the widely held belief that suicide is a choice people make... it IS somewhat of a paradoxical affair. It can result from an intricate mix of things... people, places, circumstances, choices, lack of sanity/coherence, etc.

I will go out on a limb here and say that I, for one, DO NOT believe that suicide is the worst choice a person can make... but it just might be THE MOST influential choice a person can make.

I admire the mantra "Keep Hope Alive" because merely being alive is the hope I have clung to for the last 6 years. I attempted suicide 8 times that I can remember. I say that because there are surely times I had attempted suicide when I was in an altered state that are not documented by any hospital, doctor, or institution. I have had people in the ER accuse me of exaggerating how many pills I swallowed because no human being could possibly survive that kind of overdose. At first, I felt like a failure at EVERYTHING, including suicide. I couldn't do anything right - not even kill myself. Then it just got irritating... I was angry at God... I didn't want to be alive... it felt like torture that would never end. But after a while, I began to think God had other plans for me, plans to sustain me and keep me alive. I still believe that very strongly. It has given me more hope than any other single thing in the whole world.

Therefore, as long as I am alive, there is still hope. As long as there are people living, surviving life one day at a time, and even thriving amidst their challenging circumstances, despite their desire to elope from this world, there is still hope. I wonder how many people feel like they have hope because I am still here... maybe nobody. But if there is just one person out there that benefits from me being alive, I guess it's all worth it. That's the kinda person I am today... I prefer to live no matter how hard it is... and I HOPE I always will...